If you had the choice, would you stay or go?

I’ll explain. 

I just finished reading a very good book, If I Stay, and from the book have come these thoughts in giant ocean waves through my brain. If you were in a situation where you had lost your whole immediate family-mom, dad, bothers/sisters, at the same time, and you were in some sort of a coma as a result of an accident that caused them to pass, and you had the choice, would you stay and wake up or go on and pass away?

Now, I know that its not possible (I don’t think), and a very morbid thought, and it depresses me to just think about it, but thats what I’ve just finished reading about. It was like this girl had one big out-of-body experience and had the chance to decide her fate. I don’t even know what I’m getting at really, I just needed to put my thoughts somewhere. 

For me, I can’t even fathom losing my family. They are of utmost importance in my life. They keep me going when I just want to stop what I’m pushing on towards. They’re my constants. And if I were to lose them all and be the only one left with the choice to stay or go on with them, I just wonder what I would really do…
I think at first I would just want to go. I think I’d feel loss of all hope and the want to push forward, but then I start thinking about all the people I would leave behind. The rest of my family, my friends, my church family…all these people that care about me so much. I guess you could say I’ve had a sort of epiphany alongside reading that book. I never really thought how many people I have in my life that are so important and how very lucky blessed I am to have them. And the more I think about it, the more I think I would want to stay. For them.

I know for a fact that a big part of me would be gone forever and that I would probably be like a lost crab trying to find a new shell of life if I would choose that. I mean, losing your closest companions in your life, having to adjust so quickly without preparation or warning, it would just be devastating. But I think that it would be worth it since you’d still have all the other people around you helping you and holding you so tight. 

I think… if you ever feel like you should just give up when something bad happens to you, you shouldn’t. Think of all the people you’d be leaving behind that would have to grieve for your life as well as the rest of your family. I don’t think my heart would handle that if I had to do that. Something encouraging has also come out of this too, I guess.  It’s made me realize that love, it never dies, it never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hold on to it.

So. My ending statements. Just hold on. If not for yourself, for others around you that love you and care for you. It would be worth it in the end. You would be stronger. Really lost and broken for a while, yes- but when that passes eventually, you’ll discover the beauty of what happened to you. Everything happens for a reason, and God put you through it for a reason. Maybe you could help someone else who just wants to give up and “go on” so to speak. You could save lives by choosing to keep your own.

Stay.

Yes, that is a lyric from Relient K’s High of 75. I was just listening to a buttload of Relient K in honor of Matt Thiessen’s birthday-just kidding. If I did that, errday would be Matt Thiessen’s birthday. Just sayin. But really…it is his birthday.
Happy Birthday, Matt. You are my favorite musician. Yes.

If I had a quarter for every time I’ve listened to a Relient K song over the years, I’d be a millionaire. They have been my favorite band (along with Family Force 5), for so many years. I just wanted to talk about them for a bit, since my friends probably get tired of me saying things about Relient K and/or Matt Thiessen. And yes, I still love him! ^_^

Its not just because of Matt that I love Relient K. That’s only part of it lol. If you listen to their music, like really listen to it, you’ll hear how talented and clever they are with both their instrumentals and lyric. Seriously, look up their lyrics of the songs and you’ll die-and go to heaven. Matt’s writing is so eloquent yet so relatable. I just love it. There are so many great quotes within the songs. To name a few: “With every passing second comes a second chance.” ;”When my hopes seem to dangle somewhere just beyond my reach You say you’ve heard my prayers, you’ve read my words there on the beach”; “Isn’t it nice to know that the lining is silver? Isn’t it nice to know that we’re golden?” 
There’s a TON more, but those were just some off the top of my head, probably because they’re from songs I just listened to lol. But really, go find some meaningful lyrics for yourself. I could go on and on for hours. 

Another thing I love about the band is their faith. They are all Christians and they don’t hide it, but at the same time their music isn’t forceful of their beliefs in any way. It simply tells a story of how Jesus has saved and helped them. They don’t try and make you become a Christian, but they influence and impact the listener. I think its so great, I really do. 

So, I encourage you to immerse yourself in the wonderful sounds of Relient K. It’ll change your life if you let it. 

I’ve been at a choral music convention these past few days. I come every year with my mom who is a choir director. This is something that I always look forward to, and you know why? People are so passionate about music that is real and emotional and deep. So much “music” nowadays shouldn’t even be put into the category of music because its so fake sounding. The people use so much auto-tune that they probably don’t even sing and the producers move their voices in the computers. Now, I’m not saying all music is like that, but you get my drift. Right?

Anyways, as I was saying. I’ve always liked loved classical/choral music. I’m sure that my mom being a choral music director has a lot to do with it, but I also think that my choice to be a part of the instrumental side of it has helped too. I’ve played the piano for a decade now (yes, 10 years! Crazy right?!) and I truly adore creating beautiful music with my fingers and the ivory/black keys of the piano. I sometimes feel like not a lot of people can relate with me with my deep love of this type of music. I feel like a lot of my generation is deprived of real music, the music that goes way back, and that sometimes has no words. Its also sometimes the music without words that speaks the loudest to you. And with my coming here with mom, I feel refreshed and so unified with the people who feel the same way I do. The people who, like me, find classical and choral music to be some of the most artistic, creative, emotional, and brilliant art out there. 

There’s just something about sitting in a room with a considerable amount of music directors and closing your eyes and listening to them sight read an arrangement of music, one that most haven’t seen before, and hearing them make it into a piece of art right then and there. It just gives me chills being the listener. Its just something so moving to hear a large group of people who love that music just as much as I do and who want to be good and who want to show emotion though it. I just can’t explain how amazing it is to be a part of it, even though I’m technically just one of the member’s kids. 

You all who are reading this probably think I’m a nut trying to describe all this to you and saying how awesome it is. I totally understand how most people feel that this kind of music isn’t great or cool or whatever else, but you know, I’ve grown up around it, and I love it and its a part of me. I’ll carry it with me forever and hopefully my future children will feel the same as I do about it someday. And so, I’ll leave you with one last thing:

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent.”