I'm a Christian first and foremost. I enjoy playing the piano, laughing, Relient K, Harry Potter, photography, reading, Coldplay, Italian food, foreign accents, the sunshine, and life. The simple things in life fascinate me.
I’ll tell you flat out it hurts so much to think of this, so from my thoughts I will exclude. The very thing that I hate more than everything is the way I’m powerless to dictate my own moods. I’ve thrown away so many things that could’ve been much more and I just pray my problems go away if they’re ignored, but that’s not the way it works. No, that’s not the way it works. When I go down, I go down hard and I take everything I’ve learned and teach myself some disregard. When I go down; it hurts to hit the bottom and of the things that got me there, I think, if only I had fought them. If and when I can clear myself of this clouded mind, I’ll watch myself settle down into a place where peace can search me out and find that I’m so ready to be found.
I’ve thrown away the hope I had in friendships. I’ve thrown away so many things that could have been much more. I’ve thrown away the secret to find an end to this and I just pray my problems go away if they’re ignored, but that’s not the way it works. No, that’s not the way it works. Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me. Reprimands me then and there, I confess, I’ll blame all this on my selfishness. Yet you love me and that consumes me. And I’ll stand up again and do so willingly. You give me hope, and hope it gives me life. You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light. As I exhale I hear your voice and I answer you, though I hardly make a noise and from my lips the words I choose to say seem pathetic, but it’s fallen man’s praise. Because I love you. Oh God, I love you and life is now worth living. If only because of you and when they say that I’m dead and gone it won’t be further from the truth.
